Sunday 22 January 2006

***Synaptic piggyback (a watered down mind****)


How intimidating is this? A big, blank, lavender-coloured space waiting for me.


The universe of Internet stretched out before me.  Potential 6.5 billion readers. Oy. 

Less the ones who are infants and toddlers, people who don't read English, people who don't read, the billions glued to their TV sets, people busy in the bedroom, and the billions that won't be the slightest bit interested anyway.

Whew. We're down to a manageable three very loyal folk who will come here at least once, at my bidding.
(You know who you are.)


Today's big news:    We turned on cable TV again, having had a vacation from it, an interregnum, a leave-of-absence, a furlong, for three years.

By mistake we ordered the package with 100 channels. And no remote.
Holy Mindmelter.

If you have not watched TV commercials for a couple of years, it is hard to believe how moronic and juvenile they are.

Sometimes they are visually interesting - some good CGI. But, on the whole - pathetique, mes cheres.

And the repetition. Oy.

If you haven't done it, you owe it to your mind to shut the cable off for a few years, and clean it out (your mind) - kind of like One Second Plumber for your basal ganglia.

And you really do want to make sure your basil ganglia are clean, baby! 

-- George Costanza

Now, in the name of Office CTRL/ALT/DEL -- go forth and yank your Cable cables out of the wall. 

What remains of your mind will thank you for it. And your waistline. No more tempting,  no mo' by poptarts and pizza, chocolate bars and fries and cereals and little white fattening pastry ball guys wearing chefs' hats & being Impossibly Cute, and dancing and shimmying Skittles.


You be free, fellow global villagers.  Free to be You & Me.
  • Aside: How old do you think Marlo Thomas is by now anyway? Do you think her face has fallen off? Remember all that plastic surgery and then the ten pounds of pancake makeup she had - and those eyelashes and the eyeliner? She'd bat the lashes and a butterfly would croak in Tokyo and another hurricane start up in Florida. Marlo's eyelashes may actually have been the source of Katrina.
At the End of the Day:   May we now terminate the expression At the End of the Day?  Terminate in the good ol'  USSR Cold War sense of the word.


I've heard George Bush say it. At the End of the Day ... I heard a guy running for mayor say it four times in a 10 minute interview. It's everywhere, all the time.

When At the End of the Day inherited the throne of The Bottom Line, at first I was happy.  I was so glad to see The Bottom Line bottoming out that I didn't notice At the End of the Day creeping up like some sleeper finalist on American Idol, from the Irritating Things People Say list to take its place as the No. 1 Most-Overused Annoying Expression in the Entire World.


I wish we could have an Expressions Idol where we could vote these hackneyed old buzzwords out of the language. The French are trés smart that way; they have a government commission to retain control of their language.


The first thing, the very first thing, I will do when I become Empress of Canada, is make saying At the End of the Day illegal, punishable by a week in Ottawa in mid-August.

The very first thing. I won't wait until the end of the day.



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